


This Shipping is Getting Out of Hand!

by OhgunAP



Series: The Politically Incorrect ARKS Operatives [6]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Phantasy Star Online 2, YouTubeurs - Barricade Garage
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Self-Insert, Shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhgunAP/pseuds/OhgunAP
Summary: In a time where shipping has gotten to the extreme, two mechanics become targets of a mob's harassment campaign.
Series: The Politically Incorrect ARKS Operatives [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074413





	This Shipping is Getting Out of Hand!

*The boss is on his computer browsing online and finds several posts trying to ship him with other males.*

Boss: What the hell is all this? Hey Monte!

Monte: What, boss?

Boss: Put the cables down and come help me figure out what these people are doing with us!

*Monte walks into the den after placing a set of jumper cables on the workbench behind him.*

Monte: Who's demanding who to do what with who boss?

Boss: I don't know who these people are Monte. But there's people online who's trying to get me to hook up with somebody, and maybe it could be you!

Monte: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a heterosexual man. I don't sleep around with fruit cakes boss! I'm sure these crazies aren't hooking you up with me boss.

Boss: That's okay, I'm gonna contact Maximo on the Oracle fleet so he can help get to the bottom of this madness.

*Maximo's face appears on the screen next to the web browser window as the boss contacts him through an Aether connection.*

Boss: Hey, Maximo.

Maximo: What's going on, Mr. Maretti?

Boss: There's some psychopaths on the internet trying to "ship me" as they like to say with somebody; and we wanna know, who are they trying to ship me with.

Maximo: Those rabid fanboys and fangirls? I know those creeps aren't trying to ship me with anyone. Are they trying to do to you what they did to Jacksepticeye and Markiplier?

Boss: Well I'm not gonna let them do that to me!

*The boss closes the call window.*

Boss: Hey Jennifer! Stop by the garden and check in on the tomatoes will ya?

*Maximo reopens the call window in shock at his recent discoveries.*

Maximo: Uh, Monte... I think those shippers are targeting you now...

Monte: Okay, now seriously, who the hell do they think they are shipping me with a dude!

Boss: I don't know Monte, maybe they're trying to train themselves to be future matchmakers or something. I'm still trying to figure out why these people are trying to ship me with somebody I'm not interested in.

Maximo: I know Jacksepticeye's trying to get these crazies to stop shipping him with other people just because they appeared friendly with each other, but... (sighs) I think I saw some incest art between Kylo and Renzo by one of those creeps.

Kylo and Renzo: WHAT!?

Monte: Okay boss. Here's a report on the fine line between fiction and reality. And they uh... can't differentiate between the two, boss.

Boss: How about we get Maximo to help us form an alliance to help the shippers figure out how to separate fantasy from reality.

Monte: I'm a mile ahead of you, boss. I've got a fuckin' blue-furred Khajiit.

*Inigo is sharpening his ebony arrows and katana at a workbench using a sharpening stone when Monte mentions his race.*

Inigo: I don't know why those people are shipping me with everyone I befriended in Nirn, but I think these people have problems in the head.

Monte: And uh... I brought back Denzel Washington, boss.

Denzel: I don't know why these people are shipping us with other people, but I know they can't be doing that with me. I guarantee you that. I stand by it.

Monte: In conclusion, we uh... we still don't know how to get them to separate fantasy from reality. I did all this work for nothin'. Argh.

Boss: Honestly, Monte. Tell me how they've gotten to this point. These shippers have lost their minds. They're habitual mind losers, Monte.

Monte: Or maybe, we've lost our minds when we didn't do nothin' to stop them! Our country going to shit and the constitution being ignored in favor of tyranny was the proof they should've been stopped!

Inigo: Don't blame yourselves for getting to that point in society. Money is an evil stronger than anything that has come about from it.

Me: Good point Inigo, but if you're trying to ship real people with other real people or fictional characters. Don't. You're probably better off sticking to fictional characters and settings or even making your own. But please. Don't try to force your headcanons to be canon. Things will not end well for anyone, except for the puppet masters encouraging this Dog and Pony Show.


End file.
